How dogs and men are the same:

• Both take up too much space on the bed.
• Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
• Both mark their territory.
• Neither tells you what's bothering them.
• The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
• Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
• Neither does any dishes.
• Both fart shamelessly.
• Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
• Both like dominance games.
• Both are suspicious of the postman.
• Neither understands what you see in cats.

How dogs are better than men:

• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
• Dogs miss you when you're gone.
• Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
• Dogs admit when they're jealous.
• Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
• Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
• You can train a dog.
• Dogs are easy to buy for.
• The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas (okay, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
• Dogs understand what "no" means.
• Dogs mean it when they kiss you.