I, THE PENIS, HEREBY REQUEST A RAISE IN SALARY FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

1. I do physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I work headfirst.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I don't get overtime or shift penalties.
7. I work in a dark place that has poor ventilation.
8. I work in high temperatures.
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

RESPONSE FROM MANAGEMENT:
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your allocated position and often visit other areas.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe safety measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits.
8. You don't wait till pension age before retiring.
9. You don't like working double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.
11. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.